Ten Meditations on the Book of Joel
TEN MEDITATIONS ON THE BOOK OF JOEL
by LAWRENCE HELM
5-29-95
[What good is a poet's gift if he does not drink deeply of the
Word?]
7-6-90
JOEL'S TOAST
(Meditations on the book of JOEL: JOEL 1:5)
Day upon day without end
I lift my cup and lift it again.
There is no time beyond
This sip, and I have tasted it
All here before me,
Twirled as a ring
Upon a shiny bar:
Listen to my anthem:
"Hey Jude." I shall not
Fear for thou art with me.
In my over-running cup
My ear catches it all,
Each rise and fall
Of a music like the sea's roar.
It doesn't matter
That back outside
In the dark tatter
Of life and responsibility
Lie sober eyes
That pin their moral
Opinion upon me
As soon as I step
Through the swinging door.
It doesn't matter
That nations rise and fall
As long as my keg is filled
And emptied as
Each night wears on.
But I would weep
If one day a giant hand
Clamped closed the door
Saying "this is all there is!
There is no more!" For I
Would with a dry throat
Be forced to cry for mercy.
7-8-90
THE LOCUSTS
(Meditations on the Book of JOEL: JOEL 1:1-4)
Have they gone? Are they finished
With us now that everything green
Or brown has been eaten?
Some lie about uncared for
By the vast swarm
They came with, mere token
Deaths before it seeks
To carry out its ceaseless
Assault upon our villages.
At first I thought an angry wind
Had been stirred up out of the sea,
And then it seemed
The sound of chariot wheels --
That some invader had come
As in the course of things
They all have come
To get their tribute.
Where is the justice
When I can't sit beneath
My fig tree sipping wine
And see my flocks grow fat?
The Priests shall say, of course,
That we neglect to serve our God
With homage, alms, and righteousness.
And Prophets shall no doubt rub
Our noses in traditional sins,
And I confess I've sought
My own peace and never given
Thought to His. But how long, Oh Lord
Shall You lead us through this Wilderness
Of destruction? Is it wrong
To seek some tiny corner of my own
Where I can make up songs
To suit myself? I have no time
For Priests who seem mere slaves,
Or Prophets who bring us
Nothing but depressing news.
Our lives are much too short
To wallow in a mire of misery . . .
Or so I thought before you took
My world away in
An avalanche of wings.
7-10-90
GRIEVING FOR LOST WHEAT
(Meditations on the Book of JOEL: JOEL 1:10-11)
I was not born
With silver wings.
No nurse was in attendance,
And my father worried
Whether we'd have
Enough to eat.
I knew how to make
A crust of bread
Last an entire day.
But in the course
Of things -- my growing,
Becoming adept
At making wealth,
I did quite well:
Wheaten fields
Would catch the glistening
Sun and shimmer
Of an afternoon,
And I would see
My herdsmen
Come with flocks
That seemed
An undulating
Earth of wool,
Bobbing and bouncing
Toward me
To be sheared.
But this other flock
Has come
And my fields
Are desolate.
The sheep cry
But I can't
Feed them,
And wolves come
To do their
Merciless work:
I can but watch
As I might
Watch my end.
Can I go back
Again as a youth,
Be born again
And start anew?
My legs are weak.
Can they carry me
Out with new
Enthusiasm?
Can my neck
Lift up my head
To see a new field
Of glistening wheat?
I fear to
Look to heaven
Or hear
His answer.
7-14-90
WITHERED JOY
(Meditations on the Book of JOEL: JOEL 1:12)
I am as old
As I ought to be
And have seen
My days and years
Pass as swiftly
As a swarm of locusts.
There is nothing
To keep them back,
No hand to save.
I have heard
Of Job and how
He came back
From ruin,
But I have heard
So many things
And lived to see
Them abandoned.
My head aches
From the dust
And my frustration,
And my eyes
Are sore from weeping
Till I find
Myself looking
Down at the dust
Longingly.
There are some
Now saying
The Lord has judged
His people to bring
Down their heads,
Weakening necks
To make them
Bow more readily.
If this be so,
This is no god
That I know truly.
I have known
The Earth God,
And the Sky,
And the Gods
Of Fertility
That have blessed
My harvests,
Gods that were here
Before the Canaanites.
How can I
Take seriously
A God who brings
Us to this wilderness
From Egypt?
Who mocks our
Industry with destruction?
Better to hear Job's wife,
To curse this
God and die.
7-14-90
IN HIS SHADOW
(Meditations on the Book of JOEL: Joel 2:13)
Time weighs upon my soul.
There is time now
To sit and watch
The sun rise
And set. Everything
Has been done
That can be done;
So in my closet
I seek to know
This God who calls
Himself "The Lord."
And as David
Tells from old,
He heard my cry
And lifted me from the dust.
He raised my chin
From my chest. I know now
There was an army
Of angels at His beck,
And had He lifted
His voice they would
Have gone whereever
He sent them.
Had we but
Sought His aid,
He could have preserved
Us from flying hoards,
Armies of greater
Weight and power.
But what is truly
Illumining to learn
Is that this dust
That blows and swirls
About me now
Can be transformed
Into a new Eden,
And will if we
Follow Him as He intends;
And the dust
That we become
Shall be transformed
To even greater glory.
Walking with Him
As Enoch, we shall
Never grow old,
For pain and death
Shall cease: they cannot
Follow in His shadow,
But we shall -- forever.
7-15-90
TO WAR AGAINST GOD
(Meditations on the book of JOEL: JOEL 2:6-10)
I woke and tried
To recall all that happened
But the horror kept
Blanking out, and I
Was left with bits
Of battle, thrusting
And throwing, catching
A thrust on my shield,
But mostly the running,
And they overwhelmed us.
I was not new
To war and had fought
With distinction
A score of times;
Yet his army
Was unlike any I'd seen:
They played with us
And sneered at our attempts
To fend them off.
My thrusts were
Treated with disdain,
And once, I swear.
I struck a blow
That should have killed,
Only to hear him laugh
With pleasure and seek
Me with even
Greater excitement.
I had thought to die
A lion's death
With my foe around me
At the end, but I
Ran like a dog
And hid amongst the rubble
With their destruction.
I could not stand
Against their amusement!
When they have all gone
And I slink back
Like a jackal to view
The carnage, will I
be the sole survivor?
Remembrance in a series
Of flashing thoughts
Brings back that I
Had not been alone
In my panic
But that others like me
Had caught the terror
And like a herd
Of deer leaping away
Before a lion's furious
Rush had fled in all
Directions. Soon we
With cast down looks
Shall reassemble.
7-18-90
HOPE OF THE PROPHET
(Meditations on the Book of JOEL: JOEL 2:28)
I woke startled
And from the narrow confines
Of my room looked
Out on a darkling plane.
The lightning flashed
And I saw
A huge beast,
An army bowed there
Waiting for dawn
With its inexorable
Purpose. With this glimpse
I leaped up
And ran to sound
The alarm, to call
As a watchman
The warning
"They await outside.
Beware the dawn.
Fasten your breastplates
And bucklers, for they
Are all about us."
But others answered
"The dawn is afar off
And in another world,
While you are a poet
Given to visions and dreams.
We shall hear from others
And hear you another time."
I lay back down
(No point in looking
Out again). The storm
Continues and I dream
That each man and woman
Shall be held accountable:
Their doubts being as sand
Beneath the hooves
And chariot wheels:
Meaningless. And my
Taking offense is as
A betrayal of Him
Who sets me dreaming
And writing again.
7-27-90
CALLING UPON THE LORD, I
(Meditations upon the book of JOEL: JOEL 2:10-12)
Coming up on the crest
Of a hill still
Black from the ravaging
Fire and rutted
From the chariot
Wheels I looked
Within me at the fear
And hopelessness.
I knew they
Would not return,
For there was nothing
Left to devastate:
No crops to burn,
No flocks to kill or steal,
And we few,
The remnant left
Alive to see
The full extent
Of the judgement,
Are but a poor
And timid lot,
Too weak to make
Good slaves,
Too fearful and timid
To be easily snared.
I stood like a deer
On my high place
And feared in all directions.
7-27-90
CALLING UPON THE LORD, II
(Meditations upon the book of JOEL: JOEL 2:32)
In the midst
Of my despair
And degradation,
With my heart
Lost and alone,
He heard my cry
And sent a cooling breeze
And a vision
Of a heavenly
Jerusalem come down
From on high
With high towers
And glistening streets
Untouched by the ravaging hoards
Of the Nations, "and when
Shall these things be?"
I asked in my delight
That He should lift me up
With such a sight,
And then I saw Him
Standing there with hand
Reached down to lift
Me from my knees,
But I dared not rise
And bowed as low
As I could before Him,
For who can stand in His presence,
And who can see His face and live,
Unless He cleans my hands
That have sought evil
And my lips that have lied?
My eyes have seen
Destruction from the Almighty,
But I was rescued
As the last seed that falls
When the winnowing stops:
I had no hope;
Yet He lifted me
And my spirits soared
Like a dove from hiding;
So I will sing praise
On His breeze's crest forever.
7-28-90
A WARRIOR'S TALE
(Meditations on the Book of JOEL: JOEL 3:9-18)
It may well be,
Indeed it is, that He
Is invincible and has declared
War upon the Nations,
But I am not,
And am poorly trained
And without sufficient strength
To count for much
In His dreadful
And cataclysmic war.
I well know the party line,
That all authority
On heaven and earth
Has been given to Him,
And we but conquer
In His name, recruiting
Disciples in our
Inexorable advance.
Why then, if this be true,
Do I suffer defeat
At every turn?
My youthful ardor
Burned when I first
Set out, a private,
Anxious to please
And to succeed,
And did have some
Small success, a prisoner
Or two was credited
To me, and I was promoted,
But then saw my leaders
As they really were: torn
By weakness and indecision,
With greed and lechery
And hate till I
Fell back and sought
Relief in solitary action
Behind the lines,
And when asked, urged
That He reform us
For there was no love here,
No sign that we were His.
Yet He still taunts
The Nations, beckoning
Them to their certain doom
In the Valley of Decision,
And multitudes take up
His gauntlet and seek
Us out to war against.
But when the wind blows
In from El Shaddai,
I raise up my eyes
To see my enemies,
Row on row
From every side;
And mounting up
I ride out with perfect peace
Knowing I cannot fail
As long as the battle rages,
For He has sent me,
And all of His ravines
Are filled with the water
And the shed blood.
